Holidays: The Hurriest Time of the Year?

Who doesn't love cheesy Christmas carols and cheesy holiday dishes and cheesy office parties that no one can remember? Who doesn't love racing from store to store or staring endlessly at your computer, flooded with millions of gift options. Buying your least favorite teacher an obligatory -- or appeasing -- glass apple or nondescript box of candy used to be simple. Now? I can easily spend 2 hours just scrolling through options, only to decide on nothing and wish that January would hurry up and get here. 

Maybe that's the problem. Hurry. Now that Black Friday seems to have forgotten its namesake and prefers to stretch from the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to the Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday after Thanksgiving. So it's not Black Friday, just "rush to get that early bird sale before time runs out" week. Ads this year, at least on my accounts, take the position that I merely overlooked my excellent savings options and need a friendly, persistent push to go shopping. To save money. Because how can I save money if I'm not shopping?

"Ok, dear customer, we value you so much that we're going to give you one more chance. 12% off today! For the next 12 minutes!"

No takers.

"Don't worry, dear customer, we've got you covered. We've saved you some last-minute deals: $10 OFF when you buy $200 worth of merchandise! How cool are we? I mean, how cool are you???"

From the time we decide where the family is going to have Thanksgiving dinner, I can almost hear the anxiety and anticipation of making lists, checking them twice, then three times, then always. Perfect gifts, trees, decorations, food!

In their article "Money can’t buy love: Asymmetric beliefs about the link between gift price and feelings of appreciation," Francis J. Flynn and Gabrielle S. Adams report that:

"Across three studies, we identify an asymmetry between gift-givers’ and gift-recipients’ beliefs about the link between gift price and feelings of appreciation. Gift-givers expected a positive correlation between how much they spent on a gift and the extent to which gift-recipients would appreciate the gift because gift-givers assume that more expensive gifts convey a higher level of thoughtfulness. Gift-recipients, in contrast, reported no such association between gift price and their actual feelings of appreciation. This effect occurred regardless of whether the individual’s role and the magnitude of the gift were manipulated or measured in the field. Taken together, these findings cast doubt on whether gift-givers can draw on their personal experience as gift-recipients in order to identify meaningful gifts for others."

As Flynn and Adams found, there is not a positive correlation between the amount of money spent on a gift and the amount of pleasure the recipient gets from the receiving it. So even if I think I'm awesome for spending $100 on a necklace for my lady, if she's more into video games or outdoors adventures and doesn't wear jewelry much, the effect is lost. 

Another helpful reminder is the scene in the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower where Charlie, a socially awkward high school freshman who happily finds himself being inducted into an outsider group of seniors, carefully chooses personalized gifts for each of his friends. With a budget of maybe $50, he touches his 5 friends' hearts, right down to the stoner named Bob who delights in the bottle of kids' bubbles and says, "He knows me...he really knows me." 

This holiday season, what do you want to give to the people you see? A reason to remember you, a reason to feel obligated to you, a reason to smile, a reason to cry, a reason to remember the reason you all stressed over the gifts, decorations, and food in the first place? 

Some suggestions and strategies for slowing down and enjoying the "most wonderful time of the year":

• Turn off the phones, TVs, computers, and iPads regularly
• Journal, jog, meditate, or walk in the mornings to start your day on a level note
• Drop the need to be right or to get your own way (not saying be a doormat or codependent)
• Listen and look at someone when s/he is talking to you
• Silence the phone and put it away if you are meeting someone for lunch, etc.
• Brainstorm what meaningful gifting looks like for each person you are planning presents for
• Re-evalute what you are spending, and on what -- will he really like that tie? will she really like those slippers?
• Ask the Universe or a Higher Power to inspire insight and help you find great gifts for people
• Bust out your dusty hobby, whether it is painting, beading, cleaning, writing, hiking
• Turn off the phones, iPads, computers, TV's...did I already mention that?

Maybe our best bet for this stressful time of year is to say adios to the hurry. Let it go on its way. Say goodbye to strange expectations of "perfection". This is not a stage production. Whether you recognize the historical backdrop to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Diwali, Kwanzaa, Chinese New Year, or others, why are we even bothering with all the bother, if not to build relationships and connect with people we care about?